I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
