dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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