Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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