I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
