Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
