yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
