i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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