At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We don't watch enough power rangers
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
