i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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