cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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