And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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