I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
