Drunk walkin through police station. America
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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