is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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