i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize