At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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