I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
