i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
