Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
