the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
