eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
