I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
