I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
