Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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