everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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