The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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