Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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