I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
