after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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