I love black thongs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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