Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
