I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize