he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
