No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
