i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
