i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
