party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
