his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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