I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
