my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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