HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
