At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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