Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize