Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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