We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
