my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize