btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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