She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
