yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
how does that bad decision feel?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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