Where is the hickey?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
