Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
