I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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