My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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