I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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