This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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