It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
