just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
