I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
