im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
