she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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