my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
