508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
