You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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