you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
