she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
