Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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